Again

Recently, a lot of things remind me of you. Sometimes it's just simply doing something and sometimes it's the context of a movie/show. I don't exactly know why but it happened. It does make me miss the times we had together and I wished for a moment that things never changed. But the fact is they did. I know we can't go back to how it was again and I don't want to. I don't want to because I know... I know it will never really be the same as before. I don't think I'll ever meet someone like you again and I think I'll probably regret it 10 or 20 years down the road when I think about it again, but I really did try. I did. Maybe shutting people out is your specialty and you're really good at it. Too good. I used to tell people how you changed me for the better but one thing I never told them was how you changed me in a different way. A way I don't feel fit to describe or even think about it properly in my head. Let's just say it overrode what you initially helped me overcome. One thing I do know is that I'm happy now. A different kind of happy. A kind of happy you feel when you've learnt to accept things in life that you cannot change and learnt to embrace the obstacles that gets thrown at you. I owe it to so many people who helped me through this time, whether they know it or not, and I really am very thankful for them. I didn't show them the gratitude they deserved during that few months but they were always there for me. I eventually realized it and am I glad it wasn't too late. I can't say I'm over it because it left me scarred mentally, in a way I don't dare to tell anyone, but I'm still trying. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me and undo all my hard work but I know I'll be there someday.


To the person who checks my blog like literally everyday: Hello...? I don't know to be glad or creeped out that there's someone who cares enough to visit my blog everyday when I haven't posted in months.