jacqiezhannack.

I'm tired of your shit. Please leave me alone. It is pressurizing enough having to do what I have to do, it doesn't help with your constant mocking and teasing. Honestly, I am better off when we don't talk at all. I am better off without you barking at me all the time. I don't want to say that I don't need you, but for now, I'm just tired of you. Please, just get off my back. You're making things a billion times worse for me. I don't need any more of this shit. I don't need any more pressure. Please, just leave me. Leave me alone. Please. 

(Add on) 

It takes so much for me to care, but it takes so much more for me to cry because of you. The past year has numbed me from crying over my feelings. I watched those sad miserable tragic love Thai music videos that I used to bawl over, but I didn't feel anything, much less cry. Because I'm numbed. But you have given me so much more pressure and feelings that it's shaking me up. If I was who I was a year ago, I would have broken down into tears and be sitting in a puddle of my loser drops by now. 

Maybe I shouldn't be expecting anything from you. Maybe I shouldn't be expecting you to care, to love, to show concern. But I thought it was mandatory, receiving these from your mother. I've grown up watching movies and films and musicals and dramas and read books and comics telling me that motherly-love will always be there for you, no matter what you've done wrong or who you've become. I guess they were all wrong. You are one in a million billion gazillion trillion.