jacqiezhannack.

It's 3:53am and I need to blog. Just drove for 2 hours straight because I was too stupid to disappoint people. 

Why do I always do this and make myself miserable? Sometimes, you need to learn to say no and stop being nice to people. Nobody cares. Nobody. 

I'm not a very nice person. I can be selfish. But somehow when I know people need help, I can't seem to stop my stupid mouth from offering my help. Especially if it is out of my means. I've gotten myself into so much commitments now and I honestly feel very troubled and stressed by it all and I really want to quit but I have no heart to do it. And I just can't seem to stop it. Sometimes I can't understand how the way my mind works and all this stress is making me want to cry. I really want to slap myself. I don't understand me. 

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I love the friends I've made at uni. I love hanging around them. Being around them. Talking to them. But I somehow have this feeling that we are just friends out of convenience but just a hell loads closer and I have this feeling this friendship will never last. Friendship never lasts, right? 

I don't think I can believe in friendships anymore. Ever since then. I never did. 

But I still do things for these people like I'm gonna be in their lives forever. I'm not so sure why. Sure, hanging with them made me happy and open-minded, but in the long term, I don't think it's gonna be healthy. 

I am honestly very confused with life right now and I really am trying to figure out if I have any friends. Like real friends who actually like me as a person. 

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I don't understand. I am very confused. 

Goodbye.