Today I'm having a really shitty night. The evening was going really well and I was having a great Christmas with my family but when they all left, somehow reality hit me in the face like a softball. It hurts. A lot. I don't even know why or how this is affecting me so deeply but I really couldn't stand being alive for a moment. A few moments.
Driving when you're this emotional is also a really bad idea and I am glad I am still alive and I am amazed at the same time. Took a lot of willpower not to pullover and cry in the middle of the night. I really can't fathom how this tiny setback is driving me insane.
Met up with a friend to practice some board tricks and I was able to fake some smiles then, and he helped to lift my mood a little bit. It was unfortunately short-lived. Fell into a slump again when I returned to my room.
It felt like a chore writing Christmas notes to people, even though I looked forward to doing so previously. Glad I didn't do a half-ass job though and I'm proud of myself.
Finally done with the cards but I am currently still in a really shitty mood. Seated outside that room. I think I'm going batshit crazy. Need/want to call someone up to talk but I don't know who is even wiling to do so.
I thought you were the one but I didn't dare dream. Turns out you weren't in the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment