I am going batshit crazy. I feel like I'm gonna explode anytime, already cracking a little. So much stuff to do and I don't know what to start on. I know, school work comes first. Any other commitments can wait, should wait. I know I haven't been in the best state of mind recently and I get really pissed at people for no reason, and I stop talking for no reason. Some people think I am tired (which I am but that's not the main reason I kept my mouth shut) though I am actually just really pissed. Sometimes, at them. I know I probably shouldn't. I should control my emotions more. But I think not flaring up and keeping my mouth shut is the only most mature way I can handle it, for now. I cannot let it go. I am no Elsa.
I am really really really on the verge of breaking right now and it is very hard to keep it in. I don't want to go home and flare up either but most of the time I do because I feel the most at ease there. Last week, I was so tired that I didn't even want to look at cute Ninja. I felt really shitty because I never could resist him in the past and last week I was pushing him away and it took a lot of strength and effort for me to play with him.
I feel like letting it out by crying but I cannot cry. I need to shout. I need to destroy something.
This is not right.
Nothing is going right.
I need to rethink my life.
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