I had a nightmare where my family went broke and couldn't even afford to eat. We walked into a food place and we flipped open the menu, looked at each other and walked out in shame. We proceeded to hobo around and walked into a convenience store where we couldn't afford anything but me being the immature one of the family insisted on getting a sandwich. I did however realize my act of immaturity and placed it back onto the shelves. We were really hungry. And I was really scared.
That dream sort of changed my perspective of living a little. After I woke up that morning, all I wanted to do was to earn money so that I can feel safe and I might have to re-consider going on the UK trip. I can't see myself spending a few grands on a leisurely trip that brings no particular meaning into my life except for the momentary excitement and pleasure. I might have gone a really crazy and overboard with the job searching thing the past two days and I feel really hopeless because all the high-paying jobs are for pretty girls with awesome figures and all the jobs that I feel could be fun for me are kind of low-paying. I am undecided on what I should do next.
In other unrelated news, I figured I should live life and not just live. I feel a little uptight these few days and I think I've been feeling too uptight for the past 19, almost 20, years of my life. I think I should learn to let myself go and enjoy the freedom of life, or what's left of it. It's still really great to be able to be alive and much as we may complain about the restrictions bounded by law or social expectations, I think there still is a way to live life and enjoy it. We just have to embrace what we have and not think about what we don't. I find it really hard to do it and I admire people who are able to accomplish that. Maybe one day, I will be able to do it too.
Thank you. For the timely reminder and even though I realized it a little late, I still really appreciate your efforts. (:
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