04042015

If you are a parent, could you please do your child a favour and ask them what is wrong?
If you are an older sibling, could you please do your sibling a favour and as them what is wrong? 

Don't do it just once, or twice, or three times. Do it everyday. Tell them it is okay to open up. Let them know they can speak, let them know you are listening. They do need your help even though you think they don't. Maybe you've been through this and you think that if you can do it without having an older sibling there, you are right. But you are also wrong. Did you know that having an older sibling, whether their accomplishment be minute or ginormous, it affects them. They feel stress no matter what. They need to live up to your expectations of them, your parents' expectations of them, their expectations of themselves as they build their entire world around you. Just think, a human being building their entire life around you, based on what they see is happening to you and they assume to be "the answer". Whatever you do, they trust. They believe. They idolise. Do me a favour and let them know they are not alone, that you are there to help them.

Maybe it's just me, but I can never open up to let my parents or siblings know about ANY of my problems.

I was a pretty fucked up kid. I grew up with two siblings who went through puberty before me and being older than me, they had a hold of me. I was constantly told to "shut up" and "don't talk when we are talking", or sometimes even "we don't care". Growing up hearing these coming from whom you assume to be role models, you learn to shut up and never talk, and you learn that what you say or feel doesn't matter. This is why I don't talk even when I'm with friends, if there are more than 2 people in the group. I learnt that there is always someone more important than me and better than me, and I should shut the fuck up and nobody cares. I guess growing up like this has it's pros and cons, but I'm still searching for the pros. I can change that, but having been through this since I can start understanding people and talking, it is hard to get this etch out of your mind. Maybe never. I am a pretty fucked up kid.

There’s nothing more suicidal than cooping things in, 

Even more so if it’s a cry for help. 

They don’t kill you there and then, 

But they suck every bit of your soul. 

It may seem like you’re independent and strong, 

But do you really feel like that inside? 

When you’re all alone and by yourself, 

Is it vulnerability or strength you feel?  

Are you striving for the better, 

or are you always just striving? 

Is there a reason for what you are doing here, 

Or is the doing the reason you are here?  

You may be able to withstand typhoons and hurricanes, 

But you fall when you step on a small scanty puddle. 

Maybe it’s time you stop being a diamond, 

And try to be a human instead. 

I don’t usually ask for help but if you are out there, please help me.