On relationships and friendships.

I wanted to post something about my thoughts (about relationships/friendships) then I went down to get my protein shake and totally no mood to write it now hahaha. But I'm still gonna post something because it is very rare for me to switch on my laptop and log into blogger LOL.

It's not that I didn't try; It's not that I don't care. I was too scared to try harder; I was afraid of caring too much that it'll eventually hurt me. I did it once and it did hurt, so I don't think I'll do it anytime soon again. Maybe I will someday, but not now.

It takes a conscious effort to make something happen, not just your momentary emotional actions made on impulse. Not just the few days you felt good and actually want to care for somebody. Not just that few minutes you felt bored and needed to talk to someone. Not just the few hours you needed to kill because someone else stood up on you. Because how often will someone stand up on you and you actually need me to be there to ease your awkwardness? How often will you feel bored and actually want to talk to me? How often will you feel good and want to care for me? How often will you get those momentary emotional impulsive moments and think that you should do something for me? You don't have to be constantly DOING something to make someone feel like they actually mean something to you. It just comes naturally. Through the small things you do for them when you actually get to meet them, through the little details about them that you remember, through the things that you talk about with each other and how you treat their opinions. The feelings come naturally. People FEEL the care you give them, not SEE them.

Well, not particularly aiming at anybody but I thought that most people I know now who claim they are facing some crisis with their relationships/friendships seems to not know how it actually works. Same goes to me as well, I admit I sometimes neglect people but sometimes it's because I've tried so hard with no response for a really long time that I just give up altogether. A little part of me still has hope for it, but the bigger part of me knows it is impossible to return to how it was ( or how I thought it was) previously.