Achieve It.

Lost, from where I am supposed to be. 

I suddenly feel lost, and very much like a loser. 

What happened to the me from last year, who was willing to work hard for what she want, and what she love. 

Where did my motivation, determination and passion go to? 

I know I like studying, but only when I'm actually studying do I remember how happy I feel when I'm studying. I know this sounds crazy but yes, yes I do like to study. I like the feeling when I know I'm learning new knowledge, when I feel like I'm doing something meaningful. But I seem to forget all about it once I stop doing it. Seems like I need to find something to trigger my mind to remember how I feel when I study, I need a constant reminder to help me jog my memory. 

I remember when doing math assignment were enjoyable because when i am able to solve the question, i feel accomplished. I remember when I used to love doing science assessments in primary school because it was no kick, because I could fully understand the question and give a complete answer which miraculously fits the model answer. That was when I realized I actually like science. Not because I really like it, but because I could do well in it with no effort at all, but I slowly learnt to like it anyway. 

I know my excuse for the past four/five years about not studying hard and putting my 100% effort in my work is because I have no goals. My goal in primary school since primary two was to enter Dunman High and be able to study there. I don't really quite know why either. Even though I know very well my parents wish for me to get into Raffles, I never really told them that what I really wanted was to get into DHS. Now that i've accomplished that goal, i have no motivation to study. 

Last year, my motivation to study didn't come from myself, but because I saw how hard my teachers are trying to help us, and I didn't want to disappoint them. I didn't really like math although I could do well in it, but then I slowly liked math lessons and did better in math after Mr Yeo taught us. I dont really know why either haha. And Mdm Loh also had faith in us and I just didnt want to disappoint them. I didm't like geog and didn't really like ms pear either so yeah haha. And I guess i studied hard because of my friends, who were always encouraging me to study and jio-ing me to study with them. And seeing how hard they were working and the effort they put into studying made me feel that i need to do the same too. 

But now they are in a different class from me and I somehow just lost the motivation. I really need to set a new goal, and find my old self back. I think i have 20% of it back already, hopefully after 21st Nov I can be back on track again. And have a life. Not just slacking around and wasting my life away. 

Go Si Jia. 

Achieve It.